Confessions of a bandit sign bozo
Meet Kelly. Kelly is not really in on your average low-income real estate flipping bonanza. Kelly is "so successful" at his skills at making creative bandit sign slogans, his time is spent mostly marketing to other bandit sign zombies who roam the streets at night putting up coroplast. People who probably overpaid to read one of Dean's
romance novels about the zillions he's making low-balling desperate people out of their homes.
If you stare at this long enough, you'll catch Syphalis
I hate to link to bandit bozo websites because that only bumps up their rankings in search engines, but one website that Kelly runs is worth linking to
If you like clean streets and nice neighborhoods,
Kelly has created a new type of zombie, one that spends more energy telling you how to produce bandit signs rather than running a legitimate small enterprise. For $98.50 you can take his "bandit sign nazi" course to learn the ropes of avoiding folks like local authorities, community organizations who are sick of litter, or sites like ours where we put bandit sign owners on parade for all to see.
We'll spare you giving any cash to Kelly and tell you what he recommends doing so you can avoid getting caught:
- Use prepaid cell phones, or get one that has call forwarding on it. Put the prepaid phone number on your sign, and forward it to your real phone number. Or stick to using Skype, MagicJack, or any VOIP service where you don't have to register the phone because cell phone numbers are traceable.
- Don't ever put license numbers on anything because they can be searched. So if you're a contractor and want to tell customers you're licensed, just say "licensed," not "LIC #12345". Or just put a fake license number, nobody's gonna look it up anyway, right? (Wrong, we do! And we also know when you use someone else's license number to fool us)
- Put the signs up at 3 in the morning. While this might work in a lot of cities where everyone lives in detached housing, it doesn't work in Philly where almost all the housing is attached and people work 4 shifts and are coming and going all the time. You're being watched no matter what time of day it is.
- Be careful on the Internet, they can find you that way.
Now, why in the world would we give pointers on how to avoid being caught? Because Kelly's advice is mostly crap
What Kelly WON'T tell you is:
- Anybody can fake out
a bandit sign business by sending them phony customers who then collect names and auto tags. We're not ashamed of it and it's perfectly legal. We love wasting your time. It's only fair since you're littering our neighborhood.
- We do call backs
. If you don't know what that is, you probably shouldn't be putting up signs.
- We have access to MLS just like you do
, and it doesn't take much to pull deeds to see where you're buying, how often and who you sold to. You can try to hide that deed swap with a fake LLC, but at some point you have to sign transfer papers that have to be recorded. BOOM - gotcha.
- We're ace at social media
. Think you can hide in social media by marketing only amongst friends? Hah! Better check your friends lists to see which ones are real and which ones are fake outs.
- We can be as evil as you
. We would LOVE to share some of our tactics that Kelly doesn't cover in his $98.50 training course, but let's just say it's all geared towards wasting time, and more importantly, wasting money. Want to avoid that? Don't put bandit signs up.
Kelly is pretty open about it, and for that we applaud you, Kelly Lynch. Kelly has nothing to hide, other than his strange LLC he owns, "Deviant Business Systems, LLC
" in San Antonio, TX.
Note to self
: Maybe the Texas Comptroller would be interested in looking at an LLC that lists its primary engagement as: "Personal services including babysitting, shopping, personal assistants, and laundry services"?
Since Kelly is selling you a course in how to break the law
, it wouldn't escape us if he also encouraged other law-breaking things that are definitely illegal in Pennsylvania, and probably in Texas as well--such as running your business under an extant corporate entity that isn't registered to you. You know, stuff that's pretty much a big fat no-no.
We wonder if Kelly Lynch also sells a course on tax evasion?
P.S. Hey Kelly, did you pay off your Chase Manhattan mortgage re-fi from 2003? It showed up in a property search. Just sayin'.